What a Gift This Life Is ---

Prepare yourself to be tugged in a million different directions. --------

2017 was the definition of a shit show for me.

I ended up here, there, everywhere. Literally.

Reasoning: To run from my issues.
Reality: Running from issues just makes them bigger.


This past year I endured a lot and I wasn't at all proud with how I reacted to and dealt with the situations I encountered.

I dodged, avoided, omitted the truth, ran, ran, and ran some more to try to alleviate my pain.

I felt a lot of pain, and damn did it ever demand to be felt. I dealt with an abundance of toxic relationships and toxic situations that I thought would never end.

I fell out of love with myself. I gave up reading, journaling, meditating, yoga; my overall wellness.
I felt dead inside. Alone. Scared.. all of the time. Out of touch with myself to the point that I didn't even recognize myself.

I was lost in the vortex of running from myself, while disguising and labeling it as "finding myself".

What a big crock of bullshit.

At some point it hit me that I could choose at anytime to begin to love myself gain, to type this post, to pick up the damn book and read it, to meditate to clear my mind even if its just once a week.

I realize now that hurt people, hurt people. I was hurt, hell I still am but I am no longer in denial of that fact.

I didn't give myself the things I needed to heal and I ended up making a mess, hurting people, as well as putting myself in situations to be hurt along the way.

I was so fucking scared of being alone; and I've always been overjoyed at the thought of aloneness as I used to love my own company.

I am making a stand and saying no to anything or anyone that doesn't allow me to grow.
I am saying no to toxic relationships.
I am saying no to toxic situations.
I am saying no to toxic friendships.
I am saying no to all toxicity.

I am saying that I am giving myself the gift of falling back in love with me.
I am saying that I am ready to be open to healing.
I am saying that I am open to receiving healthy relationships.
I am saying that I am going to be patient with myself.
I am saying that I am willing to make my personal wellness a priority again.
I am saying that I am ready to once again enjoy my own company.

I will stay up late and wake up late.
I will go to bed early and wake up early.
I will kick ass in school this semester.
I will say the cuss words.
I will eat the ice-cream.
I will read, write, and blog.
I will meditate.
I will do yoga.
I will make time for my people.
I will travel.
I will nurture and water healthy relationships.
I will say no.
I will get back to my roots.
I will go outside.
I will make mistakes.
I will not be afraid.
I will grow.
I will expand.
I will overcome.

I am strong.
I am beautiful.
I am very intelligent.
I am kind.
I am human.

What a gift this life is.

xoxo,
Kayla Graham