Posts about: Lifestyle
Last year. Two days after my birthday to be exact, I received a text message from one of my friends whom had went through a breakup and I wanted to share it because when I read this it brought me to tears. Those who know me could vouch for me, it is a rarity that I cry. I feel like everyone could take a little something from this, and relate in some way.
"There's always someone, someone who tells you, you can't, you shouldn't, or you won't. A person who seems so important and vital in our lives that we listen to all of the spoon fed negativity. "You can't go anywhere with your friends!" "You shouldn't give love a chance because you'll always end up hurt." "You won't stand up for yourself because you don't have the guts to do so." Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Can't, won't, don't. It's all the same though isn't it? It will always inevitably be the world against one person, or one person against the world. Fighting losing battles, taking three steps forward only to take 5 steps back... giving up. Giving up, that's the easiest, yet most selfish thing one can do. If you give up on yourself, you give up on any possible future you could ever have. You give up the bad, but with that comes the good. You give up on life. But, is giving up what we should be doing? I think not. So, stop. Stop giving up because then the only choice you have after that is starting over. Stop giving up because you care more for yourself then you do for those who tell you negative things.
And most of all, stop giving up because YOU want to. Speaking of want, we all have them and they are all different. For instance, I want a life of achievements, of success, of happiness. I want to quit trying to fill any voids in my life and let any kind of void I have be filled with magic. The magic is love, unconditional love. A love with someone who finds interest in me and all of the stupid, random things that I do. Someone who has no limitations in themselves or me. Someone who doesn't think I am less than them or more, but a mere equal. Someone who doesn't mind if I leave my clothes on the floor after a night of dancing or drinking. A person who would want to go shot for shot with me and then offer to hold my hair as I throw up. Someone who hates sitting around all day and would much rather do something fun and exciting. Spontaneous and thrilling, young and wild. I want to live freely. Love endlessly and be happy. All day everyday. Alone or in a relationship. And yet, I hold myself back. The worst feeling in the world? Knowing all that you want to have in life and refusing to let yourself have it."
"There's always someone, someone who tells you, you can't, you shouldn't, or you won't. A person who seems so important and vital in our lives that we listen to all of the spoon fed negativity. "You can't go anywhere with your friends!" "You shouldn't give love a chance because you'll always end up hurt." "You won't stand up for yourself because you don't have the guts to do so." Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Can't, won't, don't. It's all the same though isn't it? It will always inevitably be the world against one person, or one person against the world. Fighting losing battles, taking three steps forward only to take 5 steps back... giving up. Giving up, that's the easiest, yet most selfish thing one can do. If you give up on yourself, you give up on any possible future you could ever have. You give up the bad, but with that comes the good. You give up on life. But, is giving up what we should be doing? I think not. So, stop. Stop giving up because then the only choice you have after that is starting over. Stop giving up because you care more for yourself then you do for those who tell you negative things.
And most of all, stop giving up because YOU want to. Speaking of want, we all have them and they are all different. For instance, I want a life of achievements, of success, of happiness. I want to quit trying to fill any voids in my life and let any kind of void I have be filled with magic. The magic is love, unconditional love. A love with someone who finds interest in me and all of the stupid, random things that I do. Someone who has no limitations in themselves or me. Someone who doesn't think I am less than them or more, but a mere equal. Someone who doesn't mind if I leave my clothes on the floor after a night of dancing or drinking. A person who would want to go shot for shot with me and then offer to hold my hair as I throw up. Someone who hates sitting around all day and would much rather do something fun and exciting. Spontaneous and thrilling, young and wild. I want to live freely. Love endlessly and be happy. All day everyday. Alone or in a relationship. And yet, I hold myself back. The worst feeling in the world? Knowing all that you want to have in life and refusing to let yourself have it."
Or maybe for various reasons. Your subconscious mind has marinated on all of your worries all through the night and you wake up in the morning with those same worries fresh on your mind.
Your mind keeps running over those thoughts, over and over, like a wound you keep on bumping on things and keeps opening.
You just want to be alone. Alone to think. Alone with your mind. Alone with music. Utterly alone. People wonder what's wrong, your closest friends try to get you out of the house... when it's nothing that they did to put you in this mood. It just, well, happened. When this happens to me on days like today the trigger is usually thinking about this certain someone that I've been going back and forth with for 9 months. But today is especially hard, because I've decided I'm actually done with it, and I'm trying to get over it.
It's really difficult because that one thing you just don't want to think about is the same thing your mind can't help but return to.
Time heals all wounds they say, so I'll have to wait and see. I sure hope so.
On the bright side of things. I have a job. I'm alive. I have a cat who adores me. Friends who are unwavering. A family who are live and well. A roof over my head. I'm grateful. I'm just having an "off" day, as I'm sure you've all experienced at some point.
-Written on Saturday, January 4th; scheduled to go live Monday, January 6th.
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