Bengal Reads

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Day 6 has been hard. I've went 6 full days without having any contact. I'm trying. I just feel so empty inside. I feel like a beautiful vase with no flowers in it, beautiful but useless.

I just don't understand how you can give someone all of you, every ounce of it, and they in return reciprocate nothing. Being in a one sided relationship where the only one who is in love is you, or me in this case.

I feel so pathetic and ridiculous because I'm in love with this person, so madly in love that I don't want anyone else. I sound like a lovesick teenager. I've spent the last 9 months of my life pursuing and giving my all to this one person, knowing the whole time they wanted nothing more. And with every passing week I fell even deeper into this hole I convinced myself I had total control of and now I feel so broken. Stupid.

I hate that I am reminded of him everywhere I go. Literally everywhere I go I have to see his face, and it's this constant reminder that I'm in love with someone I can never have.

People say you deserve better, I'm aware of that. They say that he isn't worth anything, but I don't believe that. He is the stars in the night sky to me, something that is a beautifully unexplainable miracle. 

I'm just so tired. Exhausted. And I literally have no more giving left in me. I miss the memories more than anything. As this genius quote I read stated:

When do you know it's over?
Maybe when you are more in love with the memories, than you are with the person standing in front of you.

This is where I'm at. Everything happens for a reason, that I believe, but if I had the ability I would turn back time to April of last year and erase ever meeting him. I really would.

Today's progress isn't that good, we'll see how it is tomorrow.

This is KG signing off,
xoxo.

-Written on Saturday, January 4th. Scheduled to post on Wednesday, January 8th.

On the left side on my chest.

Behind my left ear.

Behind my right ear.

Snippet #1: It has been said that the heart is a wicked device. I don't believe this to be true. The heart is a delicate, fragile, unstable piece of our being that allows for being in tune with humanity. The heart endures the most: heartbreaks, joys, pains, happiness, jealous-ness, enviousness, and so on. Out heart is the one part of our body that endures the most. It's what keeps us alive, what keeps us in sync with our endless flow of emotions; whether it be good or bad. -KG

Snippet #2: When you take a look at everything around you and see tons of people who do the same things you do everyday. People who also have worries, fears, hopes, secrets, dreams... a life. We only take our own lives into consideration most of the time. But there are literally billions of people on this Earth living life; which is an amazing thing to think about. -KG