Refusing
to become an adult was something I experienced in my 23rd year of
life. I had reached a point in life where I was tired of the mundane:
responsibilities, bills, work, and school. I felt confined, like I was in a
cage, and I was ready to break free of it all. I brought a whole new meaning to
the word procrastination, as it wasn’t just a homework assignment I was putting
off but growing up and becoming an adult. From my experiences, I’ve come to
realize that procrastination is a major cause of stress and anxiety.
For the past five years I lived in
Cullowhee, NC; in the heart of the Western Carolina mountains. Towards the end
of my chapter in Cullowhee I grew very restless, impatient, and impulsive
towards my living situation. From the desire to buy an RV and live as a gypsy
entrepreneur on the side of the road, to interviewing and getting a position as
a flight attendant. It is safe to say I couldn’t make up my mind with what my
next move would be.
January 2017 was when I decided to
move to Bradenton, FL on a whim. I got a job as a Pool and Beach Server at The
Ritz Carlton in Sarasota, FL on my second day as a new Floridian with the help
of one of my roommates. Working at The Ritz Carlton and living ten minutes down
the road from Siesta Key, the number one beach in the United States was an
amazing feeling. This feeling was very short lived. As I lounged on the beach
on a beautifully partly cloudy day with just the right amount of breeze I had
the urge to use the restroom, so I did what any true North Carolinian would do…
squat.
Squatting is exclusively a North
Carolinian thing for a reason that I didn’t quite understand until I stepped
into a pile of sand spurs and a red ant nest at the same time; I had never felt
that kind of agonizing pain before in my entire life. I knew in that very
moment the universe was conversing with me, and what it was saying was to go
home. Still after this incident I remained stubborn and stuck to my guns to
prove a point that I could live in Florida away from most of my family and
friends. I felt alone and isolated within such a vibrant and crowded city, what
a paradox.
As I walked into work my last day
living in Florida, I had no idea it was going to be my last day living there.
It was a normal day in the life of a server until experienced my first anxiety
attack where I couldn’t stop crying, shaking uncontrollably, or catch my
breath. Not having my family and friends there that I connect with on a deeper
level, who I could relate to without words being spoken was unbearable. As I
drove back to my apartment after being sent home from work I had already
visualized packing and making a fourteen-hour drive back to North Carolina. It
took me less than an hour to pack everything and get on the road.
Coming back home was the hardest yet
most rewarding choice I have ever made for myself. Granted living at home with
my mother and teenage sister was a big challenge, but I learned a lot about
myself. I learned that freedom and independence are luxuries and
procrastination means taking those luxuries for granted. I am proud to say that
although I had to return to a less than ideal situation, I made the best of it.
I got a job at Texas Road House here in Winston-Salem, have recently moved into
my own place after 8 months of planning and budgeting, and I have returned to
school to accomplish my goal of becoming a Literary Publicist. Through
committing to my responsibilities and re-prioritizing I have acquired this new
sense of peace.
Paying bills on time, turning in
homework before its due, and arriving to work ten minutes early are the things
I find pleasure in doing now. The process of being proactive and staying on top
of things has opened up the door to a peace of mind that I never experienced
while procrastinating. There is a price to pay for actions and behaviors;
proactivity has paid me in clarity, peace, and happiness.
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