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Day 6 has been hard. I've went 6 full days without having any contact. I'm trying. I just feel so empty inside. I feel like a beautiful vase with no flowers in it, beautiful but useless.
I just don't understand how you can give someone all of you, every ounce of it, and they in return reciprocate nothing. Being in a one sided relationship where the only one who is in love is you, or me in this case.
I feel so pathetic and ridiculous because I'm in love with this person, so madly in love that I don't want anyone else. I sound like a lovesick teenager. I've spent the last 9 months of my life pursuing and giving my all to this one person, knowing the whole time they wanted nothing more. And with every passing week I fell even deeper into this hole I convinced myself I had total control of and now I feel so broken. Stupid.
I hate that I am reminded of him everywhere I go. Literally everywhere I go I have to see his face, and it's this constant reminder that I'm in love with someone I can never have.
People say you deserve better, I'm aware of that. They say that he isn't worth anything, but I don't believe that. He is the stars in the night sky to me, something that is a beautifully unexplainable miracle.
I'm just so tired. Exhausted. And I literally have no more giving left in me. I miss the memories more than anything. As this genius quote I read stated:
When do you know it's over?
Maybe when you are more in love with the memories, than you are with the person standing in front of you.
This is where I'm at. Everything happens for a reason, that I believe, but if I had the ability I would turn back time to April of last year and erase ever meeting him. I really would.
Today's progress isn't that good, we'll see how it is tomorrow.
This is KG signing off,
xoxo.
-Written on Saturday, January 4th. Scheduled to post on Wednesday, January 8th.
If he doesn't want to be with you, he's not the right person for you - always remember that. You are losing someone that means something to you, but it's the right thing. Feel better!
ReplyDeleteTotally right Isa, I know you're right. Thanks :) I just find that writing it down and putting it out there helps me be able to better deal with situations and move on. People probably think I'm a whiny person lol, I swear I'm not! I should probably post about the positives too lol.
DeleteThat cliche saying "it takes time" really is true. When I went through a breakup, I was devastated for more than three months. Even then, I didn't really feel at peace until a year later.
ReplyDeleteI also said that I wish the last year and half that we spent together didn't happen. I wished that I could take it all back. However, looking back now, I don't wish for the same thing anymore. Funny, I had a dream about him today. Every dream I have now with him is sad, and I end up waking sad. But that doesn't matter anymore. It's been three years, and even though I miss him, I'm sure he's happy with his wife and dog. Now I'm thankful he came along. What we had may not have been all that great, but I respect him, and he did give me great memories. When I think of him now, I don't feel any pain. I just remember the good feelings I had with him.
It's hard, but the day will come when you move on. It helps to not make contact or see him. If one or the other is unavoidable, maybe a new hobby will help? Whatever keeps your mind occupied and away from him.
Lots of hugs :)
Thanks for the advice Arianne, I haven't seen or talked to him in a while and it's getting better. But we live in a small town so it's bound to happen sometime. Blogging is keeping me occupied along with work so everything is going to be just fine lol.
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