When Life Makes You "Be Still".

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When you aren't taking care of yourself the way you should be, ha. Did you catch that? I was actually trying to pawn this off on you guys. Hey, no one likes to feel alone. Anyway, back to the point: When I am not taking care of myself the way I should be, it's like the universe aligns magically and decides to throw space dodge balls at me. 

BIG. RED. HARD. FAST. SPACE DODGE BALLS.
And every time this happens it's, well, not pleasant. 

Side note: If you've never seen a space dodge ball then you're positively lame in my book.

I took something after my Grandmother, that something is being really good at caring for other people. I'm fairly sure we all/or most of us know that one older lady who can noticeably barely walk and can be in apparent pain and still be trying to do things for other people. A warrior. Who makes sure everyone else is taken care of before she is. Who sacrifices for people. Who would give someone the very shirt off of her back or the last dollar to her name if it meant helping someone.

That was my Nene. She was one amazing woman. Now I'm not saying I took after all of those actions she practiced. But the one that did stick with me to my very core is trying to place other's needs before my own. The main and detrimental difference in me and my Nene is that I do this in a "people pleasing" manner. Yes, I've always been a people pleaser. I like seeing people happy and it's always been that if I can do something to contribute to someone's happiness... I will. 

What I've learned is in moments where I'm knocked down by those fucking dodge balls, life is forcing me to realize I need to first defend and take care of myself before I can assist anyone else. I am impatient, easily bored, always on the run, and constantly have to be doing something. 

I run my body down and try to overexert myself. I am a born overachiever and sometimes I like to think I'm Super Woman and can do it all. Well ladies and gents I'm gearing down, taking it easy, and focusing on what my body needs for a change. Man. This is totally out of my comfort zone. I guess everyone has to learn the lesson of taking care of themselves at some point in life.

The reason I included my Grandmother and what she was like in this post is because when life threw these space dodge balls she was always there. She was the one I went to and she always had the perfect thing to say. She knew exactly what to say to make things seem better. She was my light at the end of the tunnel. Beauty both in and out, wisdom, character, grace, the most amazing spirit I'd ever had the privilege to encounter in my time here on Earth.

This is the first time that I've had to handle a space dodge ball without my Nene. It just makes my heart happy that even if she isn't here, she left me with her wisdom and knowledge to use and I realize that my Grandma actually rubbed off on me.

That's a blessing. 

I said fucking and blessings in the same post twice. I hope no one takes offense of my sailor mouth. I share a love of sentence enhancers or curse words as you'd call them.