Bengal Reads

Photo by: Clint McCoy

I have felt a twinge of sadness in my being for the past couple of days. It seems that I cannot pinpoint where this sadness is originating from. Embarking on this journey of self-love is hard. Having to eliminate toxicity and negativity has left me feeling strangely quiet inside. My mind has not felt this quiet inside in a very long time. I feel a void. A void where I used to keep all of the drama, stress, and anxiety of the toxic situations and people I would entertain. This void is just now beginning to fill up with the knowledge I am discovering about myself. Who am I now that there are no distractions or drama? 

One of my all-time favorite poets Charlotte Eriksson said it best when she wrote, "Sometimes you need to sit lonely on the floor in a quiet room and just listen. Listen to your own voice without trying to change it, please it, lead it-just listen. 

It is easy to know who you are when you're building a character; it is harder to find out who you are without inventing it."

Yesterday I was finishing up writing a post when I get a call from a phone number with the same first six digits of my own. Since I was unfamiliar with the number I didn't answer and hoped whoever it was would leave a voicemail.

No voicemail was left, my curiosity got the best of me, and I ended up calling back to see who it was.

On the other end a very nice lady answered the phone and explained that she was giving me a call back because she received a call from my number earlier that morning.

I looked through my call log just to prove to myself and reassure her I hadn't called because I had been asleep at the time she said I called. Sure enough the number was no where to be found in my call history.

Strange.

Many people will tell you that if you don't finish college you'll never go back to finish. While I am using college because of my personal situation, this same concept can apply to anything. A project, business, website, blog, etc. While this opinion may be true for some cases, it certainly doesn't speak for everyone.

Have you been itching to start over, but fear what other people will think of you?

Photo by Karley Groce

My name is Kayla

I don't ask your name
It feels like this is all a game

What would you like?

Plus a million other detailed questions
Sometimes I am filled with repressions

Polite nothings

Spoken to Serve
Slowly after I'm driven to splurge

Leisurely talk, alcohol, and company.
All because I feel that its been taken from me.

I am not a hurricane, tornado, or fire.

I am the morning mist upon a sleepy leaf;
evaporating into the sky, only to appear the next morning.

I am the rain that slowly and gently; yet quickly and roughly falls.

I am the bodies of water that can be so still; yet move eternally.

I am many things, but clear is not one of them.

xoxo,
Kayla Graham

Photo by Kayla Graham

Emotions run high
Feelings run deep

Suddenly I want to sleep
The pain away

The thoughts that stray
--------------------------------------
I try so hard to function normally

But it feels like there is a brick wall before me
Give me the patience to chisel away

At my anxiety ridden heart that demands to stay

xoxo,
Kayla Graham